The lull

Sometimes life changes dramatically in a small matter of time.

Death.
Engagement
Life
Marriage
Soon birth
I know I've been gone a while again, but I've been happily busy.

And I just had the urge to say hello. 

Mine

You are a fire that builds inside me. 

You are the songs I put on repeat to numb it all.

You are the words spoken in a detatched cookie cut way because my thoughts are far from this conversation. 

You are the memory that makes me hide my head in my hands. 

You are the reason I scream into the wind. 

You are the frustration with myself.

You were my dream last night, and the missed call on my phone this morning. 

Meetings all day

His name is Joe, I've seen him before with these people. 

He wore a smile of knowing and asked how I had been. 

I looked away and avoided his eyes all day. 

I'm pretty sure he still had other things on his mind; maybe memories. However, my thoughts were still in misguided places, with people...who never cared. 

In Philadelphia. 

Symbols all around. 

Numb

We drink, we are closer now, the four of us. 

I don't tell them what I've done, but I suspect Katie may be just like me. 

We do like each other, I am not sure when it happened, but we do. 

Cancels all plans. 

I only think about him when I look at my phone, which is all the time. If he read that would he care? Does it matter? Dialogues lost in my head. 

How do you runaway from the thoughts in your head? 

Spin

The world spins, while it storms outside. 

Is one word not enough to say? 

Goodbye.

It lingers on his tongue, every word, every thought. Just lingering....

Afraid to say what needs to be said. 

Goodbye.

So I say it. 

Cutting to the heart of my fears, because I must.

Just stop this, he puts me through.  

Goodbye.

What once was flickering romance...

Is now an empty void, hollowed and tender. It echoes into the night. 

"No more, I cannot bear it."

Goodnight moon. 

The clearing

Each day I'm away my head gets less fuzzy. Less clouded by lust and I can see all the red flags waving violently in the air at me. But beautiful smiles can be deceptive. I am a sucker for words, laced with time and energy to get to know me. 

"If he wanted you love, don't you think he would have you?"

...For other than sex I would amend. For something other than passion filled moments kneaded with sweat and dripping with desire, snuck in when possible. 

I don't want to fight my way into someone's heart. I am no gladiator to the obstacles he's put in our way. 

David got drunk last night, sharing his heart poured on the rocks. It removed some of the shrapnel he put in me, it's easier to breathe. However, I still have some tiny pieces that make it unbearable to dance. 

When will I ever be good at love? Or walking away from those that hurt me? Is anyone good at it? 

Named

He said, "my love."

My heart melted. 

It became the shortest spring in recorded history, till you brought winter back. 

Ice in my arteries, I feel no sympathy for anger.

I'm not sure what makes butterflies die faster than angry words and silence. 

Its just...broken.

Inside me.

The way new toys sometime break and make you feel so sad inside. 

Foolish foolish girl, you should have known the moment you thought you were falling in love...